The most exhausting effort wasn’t loving other people. It was trying to prove that I was worthy of being loved.
The Need to Be Seen
I don’t know exactly when it began.
Maybe in childhood.
Maybe the first time I felt I had to do something in order to deserve love.
To be more obedient.
Kinder.
More helpful.
Stronger.
And somehow, without even realizing it, I began doing the same thing in my relationships.
Trying a little harder.
Explaining myself a little better.
Giving just a little more of myself.
As if I believed that if I loved enough, one day they would finally see me the way I longed to be seen.
When Hope Became a Burden
I can’t remember exactly when it started.
I only remember that I never stopped trying.
If I explained myself more clearly…
If I were more patient…
More giving…
More available…
Something would change.
At least, that’s what I believed.
That one day they would finally see what I had been trying so desperately to show them.
My worth.
And so the months passed.
Sometimes even years.
Not because I couldn’t see the truth.
But because I wasn’t ready to accept it.
It felt easier to keep hoping.
Until I realized that hope, when placed in the hands of someone who cannot hold it, becomes a burden that only you end up carrying.
Holding a Flashlight at Noon
I remember thinking how unfair it was to spend so much energy trying to convince someone to recognize my worth.
It was like holding a flashlight at noon.
The light is already there.
They’ve simply chosen to look somewhere else.
Today, I see that all of that effort was unnecessary.
Because a person’s worth is not something that needs to be presented.
It isn’t a speech meant to persuade an audience.
It isn’t a performance waiting for applause.
The Ones Who Truly See Us
Then I realized something I wish I had learned much earlier.
The people who truly love us don’t need proof.
They don’t wait for us to become more beautiful.
More successful.
More convenient.
Or easier to love.
They see us even when we are not at our best.
Perhaps that’s when they see us most clearly.
Because love isn’t tested on the good days.
On the good days, it’s easy to stay.
Love reveals itself when life finds you exhausted.
When you’ve been afraid.
When you no longer have the energy to impress anyone.
When you have nothing left to prove.
That’s when you discover the people worth holding on to.
The People Who Came to Teach Us
The others may simply have been passing through.
Perhaps they entered our lives not to stay, but to teach us something we desperately needed to learn.
That we cannot force anyone to truly see us.
And that the more we chase validation from those who cannot—or choose not to—offer it, the further we drift from the people who love us without ever asking us to earn it.
Something That Should Never Be a Prize
And do you know something?
I no longer regret the time I spent with the wrong people.
What I regret most is believing that I had to earn something that should never have been a prize.
Acceptance.
Because genuine acceptance doesn’t require examinations.
It doesn’t ask you to prove your worth.
It doesn’t leave you wondering whether you are enough.
It simply sits beside you and says:
“I’m glad you’re here.”
The Quietest Form of Love
And perhaps that is the quietest form of love.
The kind you never have to chase.
Only recognize when you finally find it.